If recent posts give the impression that I'm a little disconnected from the blog, and even from getting dressed, that's entirely the case. It's September, and September is an uneasy month for me. I've moved or said goodbye to a significant part of a past life every September except one since 2003. September is the anniversary of my dad moving to Canada 40-odd years ago, and the quiet celebration of a life-changing event always makes me reflect on what the real life-changing events in my own life with prove to be, with hindsight. My birthday is in early October, and as I'm sure everyone over 24 can relate, birthdays just get more fun with every passing year. I guess I'm brewing up a little crisis of my own.
It's been interesting being back in Canada to see where people are in their lives. Unsurprisingly given the worldwide crisis, a fair number of people my age (late 20s, I'm about to turn 29) are drifting or in limbo, but not everyone. Some of my friends, even in difficult-to-break-into areas like journalism and the art world, are starting to make headway and seeing these successes really makes me want to focus on forging my own way in my own desperate and unrealistic dream (writing). I'm my own worst enemy through fatalism and lack of confidence, but the changing of the season and that damned birthday are reminding me that time and tide wait for no man.
Oh yes, blog. I'm feeling restricted by the formula of this blog as I've built it and as it fits into the wider genre that it does. I'm feeling restricted by a perceived need to seem happy, to seem polished, to seem on top of things, and ultimately by the task I've set myself of portraying myself all the time. I've considered stopping blogging, but then I look back through my archives and appreciate their existence and I don't want to stop. I'm inarticulate, but I suppose I'm saying I hope you'll bear with me while I work through the September issue...
"September: it was the most beautiful of words, he’d always felt, evoking orange-flowers, swallows, and regret."
- Alexander Theroux, 1981
Photos by Shona
30 comments:
I think you should just blog whatever you want. I start to feel restricted by the formula of my own blog about once per week. lol. I really enjoyed this entry, and relate a great deal. x
@Chantilly: haha yes, I should just be less dramatic probably.
a.men. i have been so disconnected from the blog lately because i'm having a similar september crisis (okay, it's pretty much lasted all summer). my birthday is also in october and i am nowhere near where i thought i would be at 27 (my 'scary age'). it seems like the whole blogosphere is going through something similar.
hope you work it out! you can alwqays change the blog to whatever you want it to be. You might lose some readers, but you'll gain new ones instead.
@Franca: True! I need to remember it's not my job (thank god). :)
In love with your skirt!
And I know what you mean, its sometimes hard to keep up that HAPPY persona on the blog, I went through a time back in Spring where I was feeling the same, but now my life is going in a good direction and I feel better about things :D
http://www.closet-fashionista.com/
It's a beautiful forest and I love your skirt! Happy September~
Lovely skirt!
And I know exactly how you feel with being restricted by the formula of a blog. I think that about my own blog all the time. Rest assured that I will keep reading whatever you decide to post :)
I totally feel you on this. I studied environmental policy, and sometimes I have a huge quilt trip when I think of everything going on in the world and the fact that I blogging about fashion. But, i really use it as a personal creative outlet, and have to remind myself at least half, if not more, of what I wear is second hand, recycled, or vintage. Anyway, I hope you keep up the blog because I for one really enjoy it. Like others said, just write about what you want, this space is your own!
xo Hannah
Emily, totally understandable- I find September always to be a hard month (for me it's the interminable gloom of a whole new academic year!) and I appreciate your blog whatever it is- there is something that comes through in the blogs that I keep reading- there's just something there and it's real, it's your blog and you can change it to what you want. I'll keep reading whatever!
I got the yucks looking at my blog the other day- I wondered when it had all become about outfits and things and how it's changed from what it was when I started it 7 years ago and what that said about me and I wasn't sure about it. That said, it is a space for me to be what I want to be (like you) and I appreciate being able to use it for those purposes, even if I find myself looking at it going, "What are you doing?!" sometimes!
Hope you feel more resolved (for want of a better word), for you, soon!
I will stick with you. I can remember at 29 feeling as though I had somehow wasted my education on an MFA in Creative Writing...and feeling like my high school classmates and college friends were passing me up somehow in their corporate world. And, then, at 33 my novel was published.
@Terri: Thank you so much for that comment. I'm beginning to wish I'd just done creative writing actually, rather than spin around it doing all sorts of other things, but I'm immensely heartened to think of your trajectory.
Emily, everything you've written I can commiserate with 110%! I too feel that sort of limbo, inbetweenness in life and it terrifies me. Like in the back of my mind i'm "waiting" for my life to begin even though I full well know that there isn't anything to wait for--I'm living it right now! I guess the ol' Fall birthday really does put things in perspective. And also agreed about blogging. I've thought about deleting my blog so many different times but in the end I like that I have a written account of a period in my life so it stays...for now. I guess I'm sick of "fashion blogging" and posting photos of myself. Meh. Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like this :)
AMAAAZIN :)
xx
natalieoffduty.blogspot.com
Hi Emily, I'm sorry you're going through this phase, and I don't have much to add that hasn't been said already, except that I love your writing and we all love following your adventures! I go for weeks without having anything to blog about (I'm all out of ideas right now, for instance) but I just wait for inspiration to hit and hope that there will still be some readers hanging around. Personally, I read so many blogs that I don't always notice when someone slips off the radar for an extended period! Then they come back with "oh my, I'm so sorry I haven't written for weeks!" and I realise I hadn't really notcied! I think what I'm trying to say is that you should definitely take your time and only write about things you really want to - quality beats quantity every time, and all your readers will appreciate it. There's no point spending all this time and effort writing about things which don't inspire you.
Looking forward to seeing where life takes you!
You express how I feel re:blogging so much better than I ever could. Stay steady, as a reader, I'll always be here to read whatever you have to say, whatever the content. :D
sending you well wishes during this trying time. I hope you finally garner up the courage to live out your writing dream!
Keep on blogging. I'll hate you if you stop :P
Actually, you are one of my favorite bloggers because of your writing. Not the fashion, or even the travel per se, but it's your writing that shines. Follow that dream to the maxxxxx. I'll be one of your followers whether in blog form or book form, or whatever form you choose.
Keep the blog for now, but maybe, JUST MAYBE, take a break from the fashion bit and tweak it more towards the writing. My humble advice ;)
Blog about what you want! I can't speak for others, but I know I'll be happy to follow along on the ride :)
I do agree that there can sometimes be pressure to seem upbeat all the time - and some bloggers do that, certainly. But one of the reasons I love Delightfully Tacky so much is that she always feels so real. She's not whiny or complainy, but she's not afraid to bring up some more serious issues or let people know when things maybe aren't going to great. I think she strikes a great balance, and I look to her for inspiration...maybe you could do the same :)
thejoyfulfox.blogspot.com
I think it's very normal to go through phases where you think about life and purposes a bit more than other times. Wish you be well and give yourself the time you need!
Emily, I'm right there with you. September is a tough month, it conjures up so many emotions. Here's hoping you work through it and in your own time.
now that you know what you want to do, do not even consider not being a writer as an option. you are particularly special to me because you are the first blogger i ever met. so don't leave!!!
a bear hug to you. remember that this is all a part of it.
I have the same feelings about my blog sometimes too, which is why I started a new one to separate my movie persona from my style persona. I find balance in it, but think it could have worked with just one as well. Just follower your heart and make your blog a place YOU want to be.
I find that getting "older" has a lot of advantages to, like getting closer to accomplishing dreams and definitely career-wise too. For the first time in my lofe, all my friends have a great job and I'm so happy we are at this part of our lives... makes the grey hair worth it!
Virginie xo
such gorgeous photos~
-liv
http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr
We need an email. Seriously. If you stop blogging, I'll be so sad.
@Kallie: dudette, you took like a two month break last year!
don't stop please! i love your blog, and i think you do a good job of making it more than just about fashion. i try to do the same cause i just don't feel right about just posting up pictures of myself. i do love that top you're wearing! also, my birthday is oct 14th! and i'm turning 30... ugh.
Sometimes Almost Always
I often feel like the ratio of outfit posts on my blog is the most boring thing ever but because it is what comes easy to me I keep it that way anyway.. if you blog what feels right though, I think it will be interesting whatever. As long as you put yourself in it it won't matter what you blog about, we'll be listening - or at least I know I will.
And it's nice to "keep it real" rather than force what we might think is "blog worthy".
I just celebrated my thirtieth but it's not like I haven't been wanting to stop the clocks ever since I turned nineteen ;) and frankly that's when I started working on my very own "crisis".
I used to look at the ages of people who achieved something I deem significant and think "hell, only a year or two older than me". Now I celebrate when they aren't signiificantly younger.
One commenter quoting her Gran always sticks in my head though: "We're human beings not human doings" I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack sometimes. Ticking boxes/achieving isn't synonymous with happiness. I try to remember that.. I really try ;)
Emily, I really admire how insightful and relate-able your "rant" posts are. And, you inarticulate? Far from it! Don't give up on yourself. Any lack of confidence you may feel can certainly be bolstered by all the friends you've made through blogging. Not many writers have a worldwide support team, I suspect.
Blog formulas can be rewritten all the time. Write what you want, when you want to, regardless of what others may expect to see here. Goodness knows I've wanted to quit many times before, but like you said there is value in our archives. I've enjoyed this blogging experience as a time to grow and lately as a time to heal, or at least, put things back together somewhat. We change, our blogs change. We grow, our blogs grow. It's simple, you see :)
Ha I DID take like a 2 month break...and another few this year. Sometimes its just about slowing down rather than stopping fully.
i was feeling the same about my blog as well... but mostly feeling that it was all pointless and the very last thing i shoudl be doing right now, which is probably true. but then where would i have reason to keep up on other blogs like yours? i'd fall even more dreadfully behind. but anyway, i had an odd feeling this september as well and with my birthday but... I hope you keep blogging and hey, you're writing so it could be like "warm up" for your novel right? how is it coming along by the way? i haven't heard about it in awhile. and actually, i really love your blog because you dont seem happy all the time and arent afraid of a good rant so i'd certainly miss you if you stopped blogging but def keep it to whatever feels right at the time. and on a side note, you look adorable here and i cant get enough of the scenery.
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